Alchemy... from Effigy Press

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This week on Alchemy… socks vanish into another dimension, jean jackets are judged, and Tim presents 9 rules for meeting people that sound suspiciously like a list of personal grievances. LeeAnna insists you smile, Tim insists you don’t talk loudly on your cellphone, and together they explore what really happens when two human animals meet for the first time—and how writers can use that awkward magic to make their stories sparkle. Spoiler alerts: LeeAnna traps someone in a corner, someone forgets almost everyone’s name, and who’d like to create a good human just to kill them off later. It’s all very normal. Come for the existential terror of networking, stay for the theory about laundry portals. Alchemy: where first impressions are everything—and sometimes, disaster is the intention.
Just a quick reminder: we’re ad-free, squad – but after so many stories about hamsters we have this one and only exception: to make your life infinitely easier we would like to draw your attention to the perfect product to help you make a seamless entrance into any group: Hamster Pheromone Spray available NOW online! HamsterPher™. Yep, that’s right, this premium product uses the very best hamster pheromones and is only $39.99 for a 2-ounce bottle. Just a couple of spritzes of this miracle liquid, and you’ll be the life of the party, accepted into any social circle without a hitch. Don’t worry about being your true self—just bask in the power of hamster-approved pheromones. Trust us, it works every time. Order now, and we’ll throw in a free hamster-sized tiara, because what’s a performative persona without a little sparkle?. 
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A  

Take Me to Your Writer | Part 3, The Weirdness Beneath Our Skin

Welcome to the Alchemy’s podcast, where Tim and LeeAnna dive deep into the “weirdness beneath our skin”—because, honestly, who doesn’t love a good rabbit hole? LeeAnna kicks things off with a chicken-herding dog persecuted in Cuba, Tim responds bravely with a hamster April First prank, LeeAnna reveals her ‘mutant redhead’ powers, and we take a detour into alchemical madness, because why not? We’re talking homunculi, the somatotopic map, and Paracelsus (yes, that Paracelsus) and the Cartesian Theatre —who might just make you rethink science forever. Get ready for a wild, unsettling ride that’ll leave you questioning everything, including your own body. It’s weird, it’s gross, and it’s absolutely Alchemy—just the way you like it.
Just a quick reminder: we’re ad-free, folks. No interruptions from creepy pharmaceutical ads or dubious product endorsements. But if we were to have ads, let’s be real—we’d totally endorse “Safe Seal” flasks, as recommended by Paracelsus (c. 1493–1541) himself! Nothing says “trustworthy” like a medieval incel who wanted to ferment sperm in a sealed glass container for a few months to create tiny humans. Buy one now! Guaranteed to keep your... ahem... unnatural concoctions fresh and safely contained. But since we’re not selling anything, let’s get on with the weirdness. No flasks, no fake sales pitches—just pure, unfiltered Alchemy. Let’s go!
Podcast linksCortical homunculus image here Paracelsus picture hereCinema effect / Cartesian_Theater here.Original work: Jennifer Garcia (User:Reverie) Derivative work: User:Pbroks13Derivative work of derivative work: User: Was a bee - File:Cartesian_Theater.svg, CC BY-SA 2.5
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A  

Take Me to Your Writer | Part 2, Writing the Otherworldly

Jump into Alchemy’s 25th episode, where we’re tackling aliens, existential dread, and... hamster funerals? From the mind-bending “Xir” aliens (designed by The Snark) to snack-obsessed invaders and animatronic space creatures, Tim and LeeAnna take you on a wild, wild journey that will make you question everything—including your pet burial rituals. Buckle up—it’s weird, it’s deep, and it’s sometimes inappropriately hilarious. Don’t miss it.
A quick reminder: Alchemy is proudly ad-free. No interruptions, no corporate sponsorships, just pure, unfiltered creativity. But if we were to run ads, we’d totally recommend getting insurance for your pets—especially hamsters. Because let’s face it, when your hamster’s last rites cost more than a weekend break in the countryside, you’ll be wishing you had that coverage. So, while we won't be taking any hamster insurance sponsors today, we’ll keep the show rolling—ad-free and hamster-crisis-free (for now).
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Bonus 25th edition reading here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A  

Take Me to Your Writer | Part 1, Build-An-Alien

In this bizarre part 1 of “Take Me to Your Writer”, Tim and LeeAnna take you on a wild ride through alien design, existential dread, and… dead hamsters? That’s right—what starts as a conversation about building truly terrifying extraterrestrials quickly morphs into a tangent-filled exploration of hamster deaths, claustrophobia, and the kind of fears that make you wonder if we’re really ready to meet aliens at all. Tim promises never-before-seen content, teaching you how to create aliens that will make your readers think, “What in the unholy hell is this thing?” With 13 essential parameters, the duo builds creatures so weird and terrifying, they’ll haunt your nightmares. From Xenomorphs and Triffids to the Hamster Theory—it’s a deep dive into the cosmic and the grotesque. Listen now, and find out why you’ll never look at hamsters or aliens the same way again.
Forget the usual ads about overpriced coffee or gadgets that promise to make your life 10% better—this episode comes with a special, one-of-a-kind offer: The AlienScope™! Sure, regular telescopes are great for looking at the stars, but who cares about that? The AlienScope™ is engineered to do one thing: pick out aliens from across the universe. That’s right. Point it at any star, and within seconds, it highlights the closest alien civilizations. Whether you're searching for a species that looks like a giant marshmallow or just need to spot an alien that’s as curious about you as you are about it, the AlienScope™ has you covered. But seriously, it's just us here on the podcast. No annoying ads. Just good, alien-spotting content with a side of writerly weirdness.
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A  

Demon Smackdown: When Humans Fight Back

Join Tim and LeeAnna for Alchemy... Today it’s time for a Demon Smackdown! We’re tackling the toughest enemies of the human spirit—inner demons, the bad and evil people who try to manipulate and harm, and even those spiritual demons lurking in the shadows. Today our podcasters discuss how humans fight back against these forces—whether they’re rooted in our own minds or lurking in the supernatural world around us. Can we reclaim control? Tune in for a no-holds-barred conversation about confronting the shadows that haunt us—and finding our way back into the light. This is one you won’t want to miss. Ready to take on the demons? Let’s get started.
As with all our podcasts, we’ve spared you the soul-sucking ads that fill your inbox with "life-changing" products you didn’t ask for. You won’t hear about new-age "demon repellent" sprays or "spiritual cleanses" that promise to banish your inner demons for just $19.99. You’re welcome—because we care about your peace of mind, not your wallet. If any of those ads sneak in, though, I promise we didn’t approve them. Just blame it on the algorithm’s obsession with selling you the latest ‘quick fix’—because when it comes to demons, there’s no magic bullet. You’ve got to face them head-on.
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A  

Moral Dread: When Demons Deliver Life Lessons

Demons aren't just fiery, horned creatures from hell—they’re life lessons in disguise. In this episode of Alchemy, LeeAnna and Tim dive deep into the concept of moral dread, where our darkest impulses—greed, lust, sloth, envy—aren't just fears, but cautionary tales lurking in our own human nature. We’ll explore how demons can be a mirror, reflecting our worst traits and offering a sharp reminder of what happens when we let them take the wheel. Is the fear of these demons enough to keep us in check, or do we need a more urgent warning? Tune in for a conversation that's both chilling and enlightening, as we unpack how demons deliver life's hardest lessons—whether we like it or not.
As with all our podcasts, this is free of those annoying ads—and in place of them, we bring you something far more interesting: Confusite! This deep purple gem has absolutely no known properties, but that’s what makes it so powerful. Simply place it under your pillow, and watch as evil spirits are immediately baffled. They’ll be so busy trying to figure out if they’re dealing with a cursed object or a really bad piece of interior decor that they’ll forget all about you. Confusite—because sometimes, the best defense is pure, unadulterated confusion.
Podcast image links:
Lucifer (pride)
Asmodeus (lust)
Leviathan (envy)
Beelzebub (gluttony)
Mammon (greed)
Satan (wrath)
Belphegor (sloth)
Jinn / Genie. Chaos, deception, and mischief. Often capable of shape shifting or granting wishes with disastrous consequences. And they make travelers lost in the woods, cause them to become disoriented
Chaneques - short, green-skinned creatures, and it is believed they can make travelers lost in the woods or cause them to become disoriented -
Buer - described as a demon with the body of a lion and the head of a man with five goat legs -
Tikbalang - described as having the body of a man and the head and hooves of a horse. It is known to lurk in the forest and trick travelers into losing their way -
The Wendigo - It is said to possess humans, transforming them into Wendigos, driven by a craving for human flesh. The Wendigo's most unusual feature is its constant hunger, which cannot be satiated—leading it to consume anything, even other Wendigos
Krampus – weird German evil brother to Santa with a giant tongue. Germans sent Christmas cards with Krampus on it. Here’s one card, and now another.
Father Martins Podcast: “The Exorcist Files” on Apple Podcasts
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A  

Pressure Makes Diamonds... Or Dust

Today, Tim & LeeAnna dig deep into the messy, chaotic world of people cracking under pressure—because let’s face it, life’s a pressure cooker, and sometimes the lid just pops. It’s the high-stakes world of war, disaster, and every moment that feels like your last nerve is being plucked like a harp string. Can you handle the heat?
Of course, as with all our podcasts, we’ve spared you the soul-crushing ads for that ‘revolutionary’ new makeup foundation that promises to match your skin tone better than ever—because, clearly, we’ve all been walking around with mismatched faces until now. You’re welcome—because we care about your complexion (and your ability to not buy into every glossy claim). And if one of those ads somehow slips through, I swear we didn’t approve it. Just blame it on the algorithm’s love for beauty fads.
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A  

The (Not So Much) Wonder Years

Join Tim and LeeAnna for Alchemy... today, our podcasters venture into Teen Angst, and the wild world of teenagers – those magnificent creatures navigating the perilous terrain of high snakes and life’s oh-so-difficult choices. Because, really, what’s a teen’s life without a few near-death experiences in the form of social media drama, questionable fashion choices, and the unrelenting pressure to know what you want to do with your life by the time you’re 18? Strap in, folks—this is going to be a bumpy ride through the storm that is adolescence.
Of course, just like in every episode, we’ve spared you from listening to ads. But here’s the thing: if you’ve been typing in “Alchemy20” everywhere you shop, hoping to magically get 20% off, well... I hate to break it to you, but that’s not how this works. We don’t have a magical discount code for every site on the internet—if we did, we’d be too busy sipping cocktails on a beach somewhere. But hey, we’re still here creating content that’s worth your time. So sit back, relax, and let the real magic happen
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A

When Reality Met Fiction: The Meet Cute

Join Tim and LeeAnna for Alchemy... Today, our podcasters tackle the overhyped meet-cute—and then dive into its far more entertaining cousin, the meet-ugly. Writers, get ready to throw your tired old tropes out the window. Non-writers, stick around anyway—it’s going to get weird, and you’ll probably learn something without even trying.
Of course, as with all our podcasts, we’ve spared you the anxiety-fueled ads for home security systems that spend 30 seconds making you terrified someone’s about to break in—only to promise they’ll fix it for just a dollar a day. You’re welcome—because we care about your peace of mind (and your bank account). And if one of those ads sneaks through, I swear we didn’t approve it. Just blame it on the algorithm’s love for stressing you out, then ‘solving’ it."
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A 

Just Soooo Attractive

Join Tim and LeeAnna for Alchemy. Today, our podcasters talk about how to make characters that are both compelling and objectively good folks. Writers, get ready to think outside the box. Non-writers, stay tuned anyway—for a battle between good and evil.
Of course, as with all our podcasts, we’ve spared you the joy of ads for those ‘sure-fire ways to make money’ that are definitely not at all suspect and totally legit. You’re welcome—because we care about your financial future (and your ability to sleep without looking over your shoulder). And if one of those ads sneaks in, I swear we didn’t approve it. Just blame it on the algorithm’s questionable side hustle.
Read The Snark’s review of this podcast here.Writers’ prompts for this podcast are here.Submission page for Effigy Press here.Effigy Press here.
Intro music: brighter days by Oliver Massa - License code: S4QNBRVN0S5MTNW4https://uppbeat.io/t/oliver-massa/brighter-daysOutro music: nightdrive by mood-maze - License code: OGGKCMVJLUMOBW5Phttps://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/nightdrive. Or, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZsJWoGZ9A